


Sometimes in Moments like This

by Mandalorianess



Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Smut, but wolfy22 said it's tasteful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26103799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandalorianess/pseuds/Mandalorianess
Summary: She sifted flour and cocoa powder into the bowl, already containing eggs and sugar, and mixed it all together. Finally, she added the melted chocolate and gave it another mix.Sometimes, in moments like this, she felt like she could be like every other woman one day. She thought sometimes, maybe, one day, she wouldn’t miss fighting anymore.Sometimes in moments like this, she thought, one day, maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t miss being Carasynthia Dune of Alderaan anymore…
Relationships: Cara Dune/The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 63





	Sometimes in Moments like This

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I really tried to write something fluffy...well, it lasted about 250 words, and then the angst ideas won the upper hand again.
> 
> Thank you to Wolfy22 for proofreading <3

„Wanna help little one? “ She asked, while she tossed the small slices of butter she had just cut into a bowl, already filled with chocolate.  
The Child, who was sitting on the countertop nodded eagerly and started to hold his little hands over the bowl, he already knew the procedure by now. Since brownies where his favorite food, Cara had to bake them regularly. The ingredients slowly began to melt under his hands, mixing into an even brown liquid. 

“Well done” she praised, but the kid wasn’t paying attention, instead he dipped one of his fingers into the melted chocolate and delightfully licked the brown sweet from his fingers, not without smearing it all over his face 

“Really, again?” she asked rhetorically, shaking her head. She always wondered how he managed, not to burn his fingers.

While the kid had melted chocolate and butter Cara had already mixed eggs, sugar, and a little bit of vanilla flavor together.

“Give me the flour ad'ika? But…” zealously the little one grabbed the bag of flour, causing a dusty cloud to spread all over him and Cara “…be careful” she sighed, ending her sentence despite the mess the kid already had fabricated.

“That’s not how I taught you to hand over the flour” she chided, and the child looked down to his feet guiltily. 

She sifted flour and cocoa powder into the bowl, already containing eggs and sugar, and mixed it all together. Finally, she added the melted chocolate mixture and gave it another mix. 

Sometimes, in moments like this, she felt like she could be like every other woman one day. She thought sometimes, maybe, one day, she wouldn’t miss fighting anymore.  
Sometimes in moments like this, she thought, one day, maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t miss being Carasynthia Dune of Alderaan anymore… Because Carasynthia Dune was dead. 

“Cara Dune is dead, Cara Dune is dead” she repeated those words like a mantra while she eventually put the brownie batter filled cake tin into the preheated oven.

Her thoughts flashed back to that one day on Nevarro almost eight months ago, the day Cara Dune had died…officially.

_“Cara are you sure you can do this? I understand if I’m asking too much”_

_She could hear that he meant what he said, he wouldn’t be disappointed in her if she’d reject his plea. But how could she do that, when she knew exactly that it could mean his or the kids’ death?_

The Imps had been after him for months because of the kid and only one week before he had finally asked her to take the little one, they had almost had him. They wouldn’t stop following him until they’d have the Child. Being chased wasn’t a life for a kid, even she knew that. So, she had agreed to take him, she had agreed to take the kid and disappear. She had agreed to give up everything she ever was because she knew that he could never give up his creed to be someone else, someone they wouldn’t constantly hunt.

That day, she had died, at least officially. Greef somehow managed to organize a new chain code for her, a new identity. They had faked pictures of her dead body and there even was a funeral…So, Carasynthia Dune was dead.

She had taken the kid and booked passage to a tiny planet, whose name she had never heard before. She had covered the little one as good as possible, in a blanket without stifling him in it and had pulled the hood of her worn sweater far down on her face, to shield it from nosy looks.

Now eight months later, her hair was almost reaching her waist, she had dyed it to a reddish tone and stopped braiding her beloved braid.

Where once were broad stripes gracing her biceps, was now a shallow meaningless tattoo of some galaxy. 

She had never liked colored tattoos, but the tattoo artist had insisted that a colored tattoo would cover her old one better. She was quite sure that this wasn’t the truth, but she wanted to give him that at least before she strangled him to death to leave no poof in form of bullets and burned down the place.  
A little tear had escaped the corner of her eye while she watched the inferno from a safe distance. She had made sure that the person she would kill was no innocent but still it didn’t felt right to kill him just because he now was a witness of her existence…wrong time wrong place, things like this happen, she had told herself and since then, she refused to think of it ever again. The kid was safe that was all that mattered. 

Where once was the rebel insignia on her face, was now a faint rosy scar. 

Where once only were hard muscles on her abdomen was now a soft thin layer covering them, proof of her decreased fighting. 

Where once was Cara Dune was now a broken mother trying everything to keep her baby safe, no matter what she had to do.

***

The kid had soup and one of the freshly baked brownies for dinner, and she had finally managed to put him to sleep. It had taken her longer than usual, she had to read him one of his favorite books and had to sing him a few alderaanian lullabies, at least in this little part of their daily routine she could still be herself, honoring her home planet.

Thanks to the little one’s refusal to sleep she was now running late for work, she hastily called Ahsoka, her neighbor, an… yeah she wasn’t even sure what she was, she looked human except that instead of hair she had blue-white tails and horns? Cara wasn’t sure how to call it, and she wouldn’t dare to ask and upset her, she really depended on that woman, plus she and the child seemed to have some strange connection. She knew nothing about that lady and still she somehow trusted her, maybe it was only because there was not really another option.

***

“You’re late” she heard her boss’ not so pleased voice.

“I’m Sorry” she mumbled “Won’t happen again” 

Her boss didn’t say anything anymore, but she knew he would cut her wage for this month for the exact amount of time she was late, which was a problem because she already barely could afford rent and necessary things like food for herself and the little green monster. She was so damn grateful that Ahsoka refused to be paid, even though Cara had offered it like a thousand times.

She luckily found that job behind the bar of the only Cantina of the surrounding area only one week after her arrival.

She made sure to expose her cleavage a little more, she could bitterly use the extra tip. 

On some days she hated it, the inappropriate touching the shameless flirting, the yearning looks, the insults. On other days she managed to shut it all out, and on some days, when there were nice customers, she even enjoyed it. But as generally know people who come to a cantina regularly are mostly not nice…maybe they had been nice a long time ago, she liked to think of it that way, it was easier that way.

Sometimes customers offered her alluring amounts of credits or other payments to sleep with them. The first time it happened she was shocked and refused it automatically, but with time she was getting used to it, and with getting used to it, she considered it more and more. It wasn’t that reprehensible if she did it to survive, to keep her and the child safe, right?  
Eventually last month the little one had been sick, and she hadn’t been able to work for one week. So, when one of her customers made one of said offers she was more than tempted to say yes, just when she was about to do so, her colleague told her that some strange armored man had left a quite gracious tip for her.

She smiled by the thought of that night because she knew it must have been Din. She might need to take one of these offers someday but it hadn’t been this day.

The first time Din had visited her was about five months ago, he hadn’t said a word, but he didn’t need to, she knew without words how much he missed her and his son, this whole situation was probably even worse for him than it was for her.  
He had just suddenly stood in front of her in the middle of her small kitchen, and she couldn’t suppress an untypically high-pitched scream.

Wordlessly he had switched off the light and laid down his helmet onto the countertop. He had pressed his lips so desperately onto hers that she could almost feel the pain and distress he was going through. He had walked her backward to the kitchen table until her thighs made contact with the wooden material. She remembered how he ripped her shirt, before he fucked her on top of the kitchen table, still without saying a word.  
For just a few moments, he had allowed himself to lay his head onto her bare chest, and she had felt his soft tear-wetted cheeks before he finally left with one last kiss and without a single word.

She had laid there for a while in shock, trying to process everything that just happened.  
Din was alive, a relieved sigh escaped her lips, and she closed her eyes to think back to the rushed touch of his lips.  
He hadn’t been gentle, but still, he hadn’t hurt her at any moment, rather she could feel all his pain, his desperation, and sadness. But she knew that he hadn’t visited her for the sheer reason of a quick fuck, he had visited because he couldn’t live without her and if he had said anything or stayed just a minute longer, he wouldn’t have been able to leave again. Sex was simply the closest he could get to her in the short amount of time he was able to stay without devastating himself.

Since that first time, he visited her once or sometimes twice per month, and it was always the same, they slept together without much talking (at least there was some talking by now) and then he left until the next time.

***

Her shift at the cantina was over and Ahsoka had just left, according to her the little one had slept through and hadn’t made any trouble. She sighed, it was 4 am, and she still wasn’t really tired. She reached for the cigarettes she kept on the highest kitchen shelf, unreachable for the kid.  
She hadn’t smoked in a long time but since she lived here on this god-damn planet where nothing was happening, she just needed it from time to time to calm down when she had too much energy left at the of the day.

She opened the window and listened to the monotone sound of the light rain while she lit up her cigarette. She inhaled the smoke, warm compared to the cold air of the night, feeling her nerves calm instantly… sometimes she asked herself if it was some kind of placebo effect or if the substances in these cigarettes really acted that fast. She took another drag, letting the ashes that had already build on the tip of her cigarette fall onto the windowsill.  
She took her third drag when she suddenly heard a quiet noise, her head turned abruptly, only to look into the little one's judging eyes. Hastily she stubbed out the cigarette on the sill and tried to fan out the remaining smoke. She didn’t know why, but the little one just hated it when she smoked, maybe he didn’t like the smell, she would totally get that, she didn’t like it either.

“Sorry ad'ika” 

Gently she picked up her son, lovingly caressing his big soft ears. She knew that ad'ika wasn’t a real Mandalorian name but Din used to call him that. He had told her one day that it meant something like sweetie, and she liked it. Though when Ahsoka asked her of the little one’s name, ad'ika was the first thing she came up with, it wouldn’t have been believable that the green monster was her foundling if she didn’t even have a name for him right?

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping, little monster?” she asked and tickled his belly, causing him to make giggling noises.

Sometimes she wondered if he would start to speak one day or if his kind wasn’t able to.

***

When she finally lay in her bed after getting the little one to sleep again, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about Din… He hadn’t visited this month yet, and she kept wondering if he was okay. 

She stared into the dark, for quite some time trying to hold back her tears until she couldn’t keep them anymore. Silently, drop by drop they floated over her face, finally dripping onto the blankets with a dull noise.

***  
When she went home after work the next day, she had a feeling that Din would come and visit her tonight, she somehow could sense his presence, he must be already on the planet, probably trying to stock his supply without attracting too much attention.

She had the midday shift so Ahsoka welcomed her with a smile and the little one on her lap.

“Your kid is really special, you know that right?” she said, and slightly nudged the child’s little nose.

“Yeah, I know” Cara answered, without really paying attention to her neighbor. “Thank you so much for babysitting him” she added absently. 

“You okay?” she heard Ahsoka’s voice.

“I’m fine” she mumbled, but she wasn’t, she never was when she knew Din would come around.  
On the one hand, she couldn’t wait to see him again, but on the other hand, she knew that it was getting harder and harder for her to let him leave again. It took her days by now to recover from her depressive episodes that always followed his short visits, and she was quite sure that it wasn’t any better for him. Nevertheless, she knew that they would never be able to give up these little visits, it was all they had left.

“You don’t look fine to me” the other woman insisted. 

Since when did her neighbor care for her well-being? They barely even knew each other, she just somehow was really fond of the kid.

“Don’t worry, I’m just a little stressed”, she said, finally looking at Ahsoka. “You can go now if you want to.” They both knew that it wasn’t a friendly suggestion, Cara wanted to be alone and Ahsoka accepted it without any further questions.

***

It was way past midnight, and she was about to accept that she deceived herself and Din wouldn’t visit tonight. With a heavy sigh she combed her hands through her hair and went to her bedroom, she had already changed into her sleeping outfit consisting of an oversized t-shirt and her panties. She shivered; it was getting colder lately.

A muffled scream escaped her lips when she felt a hand pressed over her mouth and another one on her waist.

“Shh, don’t wake the kid” he whispered and she instantly relaxed.

“I’ve missed you” she answered quietly against his hand.

“Missed you too” he mumbled, finally releasing his hand from her mouth. 

He switched off the lights leaving them in complete darkness. She heard the meanwhile familiar sound of him removing his helmet and instinctively entangled her hands in his fuzzy hair.  
His lips met hers, and he tossed her against the bedroom wall, pressing his body against her.  
There was no room for her to move and she suddenly realized that he wasn’t even wearing his armor.  
His hands slipped under her shirt, gently caressing her soft skin while he silently removed the thin layer of fabric. 

Slightly his fingers slid over her through her freezing already hardened nipples, causing her to inhale sharply. 

He began to draw an imaginary line with his index fingers from her breast over her squishy abdomen down to the seam of her panties. While his finger followed their invisible trace, he slowly got down to his knees. By the moment he was kneeling in from of her he lingeringly removed the lace covering what he desired. His lips meet that sweet, now uncovered spot for a split second, coaxing a wheeze out of her. He rose, tracing the imaginary line again, now in the opposite direction.

With a quick movement he grabbed her wrists pinning them over her head with a firm, almost hurting grip, she gasped at his sudden roughness. His body was now pressed against hers again, giving her no chance to move. With one hand he stroked an unruly strand out her face, leaving the other one to keep her hands in place. His now free hand began to wander, first to her soft breasts then down to her butt, leaving a warm trail on her still freezing skin. 

His lips lay down lazily onto hers, steadily pushing for entrance, which she willingly gave him, meeting his tongue for a battle of dominance which she knew she would lose, she always lost it.

His lips were coarse and a slap-bang pain flashed through her body when he bit down on her lower lip. She smiled by the faint taste of blood, it was exactly what she wanted, just to feel anything other than her usual feelings of emptiness and restlessness.

“Stay, don’t move” he whispered, before he suddenly withdrew from her body, leaving her starved for his touches.

She heard him remove his clothes and had to pull herself together to keep her gradually numbing hands in place, pressed against the wall over her head.

She flinched when he without warning grabbed her waist, spinning her around, pressing now her front against the wall. He leaned toward her, and his body heat slowly stopped her freezing.  
A muffled moan escaped her when she felt his already hard length brushing against her lower back. She could feel his breath against her neck, shortly before his lips made contact with her sensitive skin.  
Another moan left her lips when he gently, but determinately led her to her bed.

She was lying on her back and for one moment she could feel him just hovering over her without touching her, without kissing her, without doing anything. The tension of waiting for him to move, to do something, drove her crazy and she involuntarily winced at his touch when he eventually flipped her around, so she was lying face down.

He grabbed her hips guiding her to get on all fours in front of him, and she followed him without any resistance, she wanted to feel him, to feel his touches on her sensitive skin, to feel him inside of her, wanted to feel his gentle kisses and bites.

He slid his hands up to her waist, positioning himself before she finally felt the tip of his cock, where she needed it most, she knew that he knew that she was already soaking wet for him, she always was at this point of their visiting routine.

With one steady movement, he eventually pushed his length inside of her. A content moan escaped her lips but was immediately suffocated by Din's hand, pressing against her mouth.  
“Don’t wake up the kid” he mumbled almost belligerent and she silently nodded, causing Din to withdraw his hand again, only to grab a thick strand of her hair slightly pulling back her head, before he finally began to move, slow but forceful thrusts. 

She painfully bit down on her lower lip, to keep herself from moaning, even though she knew that his explanation was ridiculous, if the little one wouldn’t wake up from the sound of their heavily colliding body’s then he wouldn’t wake up from her moans. But still, she denied herself to make any sound because she knew what Din was seeking in his visits wasn’t only her closeness and affection, but a short moment of control because his life as a fugitive was uncontrollable.

Without lessening the force of his thrusts, he steadily increased the pace, making it more and more difficult for her to stay silent. When she finally couldn’t hold back the sound of her pleasure, his hand released the strand of her hair to cover her mouth again, muffling her cries of desire. 

His thrusts became more erratic and she could feel her own climax coming nearer slightly tightening around him. Her arms were giving in under the weight of his now almost aggressive thrusts, causing Din to lose his grip over her mouth. For a short moment, her moans were dulled by soft cushions, but he promptly grabbed one of her breasts, his other hand pressed against the side of her stomach he forced her upper body into an almost vertical position. 

“Fuck…Din I’m close” she managed to say to let him know that he only needed to persevere a little longer, she knew he was trying to hold back for her.

Her final wave of pleasure was, now ready to crush her, with its unrestricted force and she came with a muffled cry biting down on her lip again. Only blurred she noticed Din following her over the edge spilling himself into her wet heat.

She felt the weight of his sweaty body on top of her, slightly restraining her breathing.

“Please stay, I can’t do this anymore” she whispered before she could prevent herself from verbalizing her thought, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She wasn’t even sure what she was referring to. His visits? Her job? the kid? the lack of adrenaline on this planet? The hiding? Living someone else’s life? Not being Cara Dune? Loving him? She didn’t know.

“I know” he mumbled, and she felt how his weight suddenly disappeared, she heard him gather his clothes and then he left. He left like he always did, without a single word. 

A strangled sob left her mouth followed by another one. She felt like her world was falling apart even more. “I know” he had said, did that mean he wouldn’t come to see her again? She wasn’t sure, wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

Sometimes in moments like this, she didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just abandon his damn armor and helmet and be a free man. No one would recognize him without it and she was sure that Greef was willing to give him a new chain code as well. But deep down she knew why he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t because of his creed and she admired him for sticking to his ideals even though it meant he had to live as fugitive and without his son. But still, it hurt to see him leave, every time a little more.

 _‘But sometimes ideals need to be adjusted, don’t you think?’_ she thought before she finally fell asleep.

***

It was only a few days later when she was punching her punching bag after work and feeding the little one. She felt exhausted and totally fidgety at the same time.

She recklessly punched the bag hanging from the ceiling of her small and moldy cellar, she punched without thinking, without hesitating, without feeling the pain in her barely wrapped up knuckles, and suddenly all that was left was her exhaustion, her desperation, her sadness. 

She sank to the floor involuntarily grabbing her hairline, sobbing uncontrolled. 

_‘I’m going crazy on this damn planet and now I lost Din too because I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut’_

She clutched the punching bag with one arm and rested her head against it. She didn’t even try to hold back her tears, not caring about the pain already spreading in her head due to the loss of water. She just cried and cried until she fell asleep still leaning against the punching back.

“Cara are you okay” Din's worried voice ripped her out of her fretful sleep and for a moment she thought she must be dreaming, but she knew she wasn’t 

“Yeah, I’m fine” she answered hastily wiping over her face to erase all evidence of her crying before she finally let go of the punching bag and turned around.

“You…” she stammered starring at him wide-eyed “You…” she tried again before she finally managed to say it “You’re not wearing your helmet, I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have seen that” In panic, she covered her eyes with her hands “Maybe if you punch me hard enough I just forget it” She suggested, her voice still filled with fear and uncertainty. Fear that she now definitely lost him for good, and uncertainty why he wasn’t wearing his helmet, he couldn’t he have just forgotten it, right?

“I’m staying” he simply said, kneeling beside her, holding her shivering body and for the first time she could see his warm, comforting brown eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this fic.  
> As always I'm grateful for every comment and open to any critique :)


End file.
